Hey, where's Satellite? ls he here?
Come here.
Fuck.
Hey, you bitch.
Where's Satellite?
Where is Satellite?
l am sick, fucking junkies. l'm sick! Where is he?
He's making a delivery.
- ls anybody holding anything? Please! - l'll give you my shot.
l don't shoot. Do you have anything else dry?
No, man.
All l got is in here.
l can't.
- Okay, if you don't want it. - Wait.
l want it. You do me. Will you do it?
Yeah, l'll do you.
This is gonna hurt.
No pain.
Thank you.
Don't be scared, baby.
l'll take you home.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
l was thinking about you.
Are you okay?
ls your boyfriend here?
l don't have a boyfriend anymore.
l'm all dirty.
l was afraid of the drugs.
The way people use them.
l told her that. l mean, she knew that.
l was afraid of a lot of things.
But she promised...
and l believed her.
And l believed we could make things work.
l believed because we both wanted it so much that we could.
We could--
And we did.
We did make it work.
You're coming home?
Just out of the blue you're coming home?
Just like that you call me?
You are a piece of work, you are.
Philadelphia?
The bitch is in Philadelphia?
l'm killing myself trying to keep this agency alive...
which is not easy...
since my wife with her dying breath screwed me out of 50% of the company.
Fucking women.
And now you tell me this little...
whatever just disappears.
l hope she fucking dies in Philadelphia.
lt's a 21-day program.
lt's your responsibility to come in every day and take the Methodone.
All right. Drink the water.
That's all right.
l need you to drink the water.
And sign next to the line.
Okay.
Dwayne King.
There you are, Mr. Doodiekins. Fresh from the oven.
Thank you, Mrs. Doodiekins.
l could do this, you know that?
l could be a fucking housewife.
l'd be very happy.
lt's very depressing, this apartment.
All right, all right. ''Shut up, Mom.''
So, is Linda coming back tonight...
or is she staying in New York?
l don't know. lf she works late, she's gonna stay.
l hate what this Methodone is doing to your shoulders.
They used to stand up so straight, so beautiful.
Come on.
Well, you have to watch your weight too.
You want to look good for when you go back to work.
- l'm not going back to work. - Okay.
- l can't. - All right.
Do you understand that?
That's up to you, you know.
But just wait. You'll see.
Hi, this is Linda. l'm not here. Leave a message.
Hi, Doo-doo. lt's me.
l've been calling all night. Where are you?
- Linda? - Hello?
- Who's this? - This is Billy. Who's this?
Damn it! Goddamn it, Gia!
Oh, my God, she broke into my house.
She stole some money.
She stole jewelry. She bought the drugs...
and then she took off in the car like a crazy person.
lt was unbelievable.
She took my wedding ring!
- Stop the vehicle and pull over. - And the lies.
You know that old joke, how you can tell when a junkie is lying?
Her lips are moving.
lt's not funny.
Get out of the car.
- Why are you chasing me? Are you crazy? - Lady--
l'm trying to get to New York, and you're fucking chasing me?
- All right, ma'am. Calm down. - What is wrong with you?
- God! What? - Ma'am?
What the-- Just back off, okay? God!
- Ma'am? - l have to go.
Get fucking arrested for nothing, that's why.
These are serious charges. Reckless driving.
- This is resisting arrest. - Goddamn it! lt's not my fault!
lt was not my fault either!
He was there getting some stuff out of my apartment!
l wasn't even there! l was on my way back here!
Thank God, because otherwise, you'd still be in jail.
l have to go back to work.
l know what you're gonna say, but l need the money.
Stop it!
l need the money so l can be with you, because l cannot live like this.
Okay ? l can't live like this.
And l can't live without you.
You want to come to Largo now.
ls that because everyone else is afraid of signing you?
No, l haven't asked anyone else.
Then why me?
Because you're a greedy fuck...
and you'll get me more money than anyone else.
That's the truth.
So, let me be truthful with you.
Everyone's aware of the drug problem.
You weren't very discreet.
Well, l'm clean now...
and l want to work.
Let me see your arms.
lt's not my arms you want. lt's my face...
and my tits.
And they're fine.
We're doing a television piece on models.
l want you to be in it.
l want you to look more beautiful...
than you have ever looked.
And l want you to tell the world...
that you once had a drug problem and now you don't.
Now you're a good little girl.
lf you do that...
we have a deal.
Okay.
Good.
- l can't do this. - Yes, you can.
l'm a model. l don't talk.
l'm not supposed to talk. l'm supposed to just look beautiful.
You are beautiful.
You make me beautiful.
Hello.
Okay. We're all set.
l'm gonna tape you getting made up. Kind of a before and after thing.
- Great. - We've also got some interviews...
set up with your friends, your family, your mother.
You're gonna put my mother on tape?
- Yes, most definitely. - Well, that should be interesting.
- You ready? - Yeah.
Good.
- l just have to go to the bathroom. - Sure.
Why don't you guys come over here? This is what l want.
And how did things first start for you in modeling?
l started working with very good people.
A lot of them. Very fast, you know?
l didn't build into being a model.
l just sort of became one.
How has that affected you?
When you're young, you don't always know.
lt's hard to make out the difference between...
what's real and what is not real.
At one point you...
kind of got into the drug scene, didn't you?
Yes, you could say that l did.
But you're free of it now, aren't you?
Definitely, l'm free of it.
l wouldn't be here right now talking to all of you if l wasn't.
Are you happy with your success?
l am.
Yes. Yeah.
You hesitated.
l just wanted to think about it. But, no, l'm definitely happy with it.
Good. Thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
Fuck! What the fuck?
l, like, kicked Spider-Man's ass!
l'm sorry.
l just wanted to make you smile.
Okay.
Okay, l'm going. Last chance.
l'm leaving through the front door.
l can't do this.
Don't say that. Just say you'll see me tomorrow.
- No, you won't see me tomorrow. - Don't say that!
We had a deal. We made a bargain.
l love you.
No, you don't.
All right, l don't. l don't.
What are you, huh? You some kind of fucking policeman?
You going to judge me? l did one fucking line.
One line.
What is the big deal?
What about yesterday? What about the day before?
Nothing.
l did nothing. l promise.
Please don't leave me.
l don't believe you.
You don't believe me because you don't want to believe me, do you?
Because you don't care! Because you just wanted to say...
''l'm fucking a model!''
You don't care about me at all, do you?
Do you? Tell me you don't care! Say, ''l don't care!''
Please. l'm sorry.
l need you so much. Don't make me do this.
l don't make you do anything.
l wish l could.
You could.
You could take care of me.
Do you have $30?
l don't have any money.
l don't know why. l never have it.
l never have any money.
ln my sock.
- This is what makes you do everything. - No, it doesn't.
lt's not me. lt's not you. lt's this.
This shit holds you.
- You choose. - Come on.
This or me.
Your finger.
Your knees.
Your skin.
Your toes.
l love you.
Change.
She is over.
lt's just a question of time now.
Hey, come on.
- Hi. - Yes, you are.
You dropped this, honey.
You want to come on and finish this fiasco?
You look so pretty.
Thanks.
l love you.
l know. You love everybody.
Gia, listen to me. l am trying to get you work.
But it's all spring stuff now.
Everybody wants the blonds with the suntans and the sundresses.
l'm sorry. No, your look is not spring.
Your look is more like nuclear fucking winter, and nobody wants it.
Hang up the phone.
l am so tense.
Ron, can you use some of those fucking muscles?
l'm so tense.
''When she kisses me, l feel all four winds blow at my face.
But what do you do with a woman who has no love for you?
She is my lost captive...
and no longer lies along my legs.''
l wrote that for you.
- Why did they send her out? - Because l asked for her.
- All right? - All right.
We use them up...
throw them away.
Where's my knife?
l haven't seen it.
Who took my fucking knife?
Do l look like a fucking terrorist? ls this funny?
What the fuck is wrong with you people? Get the fuck away from me!
Get away! Where's my knife?
Here it is.
You know, you can't do that.
You can't take somebody's knife when they need it!
lt's all right. lt's fine.
- Look at those tracks on her arms. - Okay, now.
And that awful thing on her hand.
- lt looks like a volcano. - All right.
Try folding your arms.
Put them in back of you.
Well, you've almost got it.
Now, try sitting on your hands.
Yes, yes.
You look wonderful.
Beautiful.
- Francesco? - Yes, sweetheart?
Thank you.
Gia, this is life, not heaven.
You don't have to be perfect.
Look at me. Where's those eyes? Where's the mouth?
What? You're not!
Truly? You're on an airplane?
Oh, my God! Listen to me!
l'm so excited! l'm yelling!
l don't have to yell, do l?
- No, you don't have to yell. - Henry!
- Mom, l don't want to talk to Henry. - Where is he? Hold on.
Where are you?
l mean, where is the airplane?
l've never talked to anybody on an airplane before.
l was in Paris...
and l think l'm going to Munich.
l don't know.
l don't feel so good.
Well, honey, you're probably just tired, you know?
Yeah...
and l'm cold.
You know...
l was thinking about coming home again.
What do you think?
Honey, l don't think so.
You know?
l mean, you know, after the last time.
Yeah, l know. Of course.
l'm sorry.
Yeah.
l better go.
All right. Okay.
Listen to me.
Now, you take care of yourself.
Okay?
You call me.
Because l love you.
- Bye. - Bye-bye.
Every model has a moment--
l mean, the ones who make it at all--
and whether or not they can parlay that moment...
into some kind of a career--
well, that's the gamble, isn't it?
'Cause the moment is a very short time.
lt's here and then it's gone, just like most of these girls.
They're here...
and then they're gone.
When she came back to New York...
l was in Philadelphia.
And l heard some things.
A lot of things.
So l took the train up to see her.
l can't find my money.
- What? - l had $600, and l can't find it.
What's going on?
l can't find my money!
What's wrong with you?
What are you doing?
- Do you have any money? - No, l don't have any money.
You want to fuck me?
You give me money, l'll let you fuck me.
- Come here. - What?
Get off! What?
- Can l please hold you? - Get off!
No drugs.
Get off of me!
- Calm down. - Okay.
Okay, do you have any medical insurance?
- Can you pay cash for this? - No, l don't have any money.
Stupid question.
All right. You'll have to declare yourself indigent.
Do you understand that?
Wait a minute.
What, am l supposed to feel sorry for you because you're beautiful?
Because you made 10,000 a minute doing fucking nothing?
''Oh, it was so hard, so terrible.
They treated me so bad.''
Listen, girl. You had a free ride...
and you fucking blew it.
And me?
l'm some kid from Ohio...
reading fashion magazines, looking at your picture and thinking...
''l'm supposed to look like that''...
and going fucking crazy because l don't.
Because nobody told me it was a lie.
Because the magazine doesn't come with a label that says...
''Caution. This is a lie. Nobody looks like this.''
Not even you.
Well, they asked me to go to the sessions, so l did.
l tried.
l just got so mad. l got so mad.
l said to them, ''Look, l'm not the drug addict here.
l'm not the one that you should be ripping apart.''
l said, ''This is all buried.
Why don't you just let it be?''
That's what l told 'em. Look. l know.
You want to blame somebody. You want to blame me.
Okay, go ahead. Knock yourself out.
But just remember this:
Everything l did, l did because l loved her.
And l believe that it was my love...
and my prayers that got her through that.
Hi, Linda. lt's Gia.
l'm calling to apologize.
l'm in this program...
and it's, like, part of the program that we're supposed to...
ask forgiveness of the people that we hurt when we were drugging.
l was, like, ''Well, fuck, man. That could take the rest of my life.''
l'm sorry.
This is stupid.
Anyway, l'm calling to ask forgiveness...
and to say that l miss you, because--
What is that? Am l done?
l think l'm done. l don't know what happened.
Hi, it's me.
Boy, Linda.
Yeah.
Well, now l don't know what to say.
lt's okay. l heard you. l heard it all.
ls that okay?
Yeah.
l can't talk right now. l have to go.
Can l call you in a few days?
l'm gonna be out in a few days, and then l'm gonna call you, okay?
You know how she's always saying she's a model?
Oh, my sweet Jesus!
ls that her?
l wonder if she's been folding the same pair of jeans...
for the last five minutes?
And that's another thing.
You don't want to work in a place like that.
Ugly, ugly place.
Ugly people.
Mom, listen. This is the good part.
This is good.
Everything's gonna be really good from now on, okay?
Look at this. Look at your skin.
Mom.
What? lt's just acne.
lt's okay. lt'll go away.
lt's the drugs. They're coming out of my system.
l'm gonna look really good.
And by Christmas, l'm gonna look great.
And we are gonna have the best holiday ever.
Why don't you come home?
Move back in with me. Would you like that?
l gotta be alone.
But can you lend me a few bucks for coffee and toothpaste?
Oh, the coffee!
l'm sorry. l forgot.
With the money you made, you could have lived the rest of your life.
Well, that's what happens, l suppose.
- What? - l'm just feeling dizzy.
- What is it? - Mom.
Oh, honey, you're burning up.
- Why do my ears hurt? - Oh, baby.
Oh, my God.
You have pneumonia...
which we can treat.
Gia, listen.
There's something more serious going on which caused your infection.
Something they're calling Acquired lmmune Deficiency Syndrome.
Maybe you heard about it?
How did l get it?
Well, we're really just finding things out...
and you're the first woman l've known about.
Although, intravenous drug users seem to be in a specially high-risk group.
So you probably got it from a contaminated needle.
How do l get rid of it?
But how do they know? They don't know anything about it.
They know, okay?
They just know.
You know what l think?
l think there's a reason for everything.
And l think that there's a plan for everybody.
And l think that God...
has a big plan for me.
Just not in this life.
l'm on top of everything.
l'm super cool.
Ah, you've gotten better.
l can't take her home.
l'm trying, but Henry is just afraid.
So what?
Dr. Blair--
This is your daughter. Your daughter.
So people are scared. l am scared.
He's afraid that if people find out, he could lose his job.
Fine. Okay, fine.
And where is she going to go?
He wants her to go to a hotel. He says that he'll pay for it.
Oh, God, listen to me.
Dr. Bruce, telephone, please.
What about her father? Why can't he take her?
She doesn't want him to know.
l don't want to lose my baby.
- Kathleen-- - No, l can't.
Well...
you have to understand.
ln those days...
nobody knew.
People were scared.
l was scared.
She must have been scared too.
Dear Linda, this is the end of my book.
The last page, the last shot.
Seeing you to say hello and good-bye.
Seeing you to fill up all the empty...
and smell and touch...
and leave my kisses all over your face.
- That's me. - Come in.
Do you want some tea?
l was so nervous about seeing you.
Coffee?
No, l can't stay long.
Why not?
l have an appointment.
Work?
No more work for me.
l just thought we'd have more time.
Yeah, me too.
Just not today.
That's okay.
We have all the time in the world. We'll take it.
Yeah, l guess so.
But today l just wanted to see your face.
l missed your face.
What are you going to do?
l don't know. l have some plans. l think...
l might go to school, you know?
Learn something useful maybe.
Maybe even settle down and have some kids, you know?
What the hell?
Wow.
How straight are you now?
l mean, are we talking about men?
You don't need a husband to have kids.
And besides, you were the one who always had my heart, you know?
Yeah, l guess l did know that.
Would you keep these for me?
Your fairy tales?
Yeah, some. A few.
Plus all the other crazy shit in my head.
l don't want to throw it away. l just don't want it around right now.
- You can read it if you want. - No, l won't.
No, read it. l want you to, you know?
Maybe you can make some sense out of it.
l never could.
- l'm gonna see you again, aren't l? - Yeah, you want to?
You know, l was thinking about...
getting a house at the beach this summer.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
l really thought that it would give us a chance.
l would like so much for us to have another chance.
Yeah, l'd like that too.
l gotta go.
No, wait. l want you to stay.
You were the one. You were the only one.
And you are amazing.
She--
She put together this money.
She pawned some things...
borrowed some from her father...
stole some from Kathleen.
l didn't know what she was doing.
l should have...
but l didn't.
lt may have crossed my mind.
l really didn't think she would do that.
l really didn't.
Yo, Gia. How you doing?
Good. ls he here?
Yeah, he's in the back.
How much you want, angel?
As much as you've got.
What are you gonna do with that much stuff?
Well, that's my business.
- What, are you holding or not? - What's your hurry?
All right. Come on. Yes or no?
Yeah, l got what you need...
and l got it right here.
Yo, man, what the fuck are you doing?
- Look what Santa Claus brought us. - l'm freaking out of here!
You get the money. l'm gonna get mine.
lt's gonna be all right.
What are you doing here?
l'm gonna take you home, baby.
She wouldn't let anybody see her...
but l went anyway.
l saw her once.
But l did see her.
- l don't think she knew it was me. - No more than five minutes, okay?
l couldn't help thinking to myself, ''My God, she's just a kid.''
l blame myself, you know?
l mean, these are children.
No matter how screwed up our lives may be...
we've got to take care of our children.
She knew she was dying.
She said she wanted to do it right.
She wanted to get a video camera...
and do this thing...
where she talked to kids about drugs.
She wanted to tell kids...
that you can handle it.
You can handle anything that comes your way.
But we never got the camera.
You do be the prettiest, prettiest girl.
You do be that.
Do l?
Do l be the prettiest?
Do you forgive me, Kathleen?
Oh, honey.
Oh, yeah.
Of course l do.
Because l forgive you too.
Oh, baby.
What's this?
What is it?
Oh, my God.
Nurse?
Where are you going, Mom?
Mom?
Where you going?
She died around 10:00 in the morning.
They tried to pick her--
They tried to pick her up off the bed, and she--
The flesh just fell off her back. lt just fell off.
You don't want to hear about that.
Okay, what else?
This is it. This is what l was looking for.
''And the people said...
'Oh, she's not beautiful at all.'
And they took her from the beautiful house...
and they drove her into the street.
And she went away...
and she never came back.
And soon, people became hungry again...
and they went back into the beautiful house...
looking for gold, but there was no one there.''
They say she knew.
She really knew. She knew the whole story.
We found an undertaker, and it was hard, believe me.
You know, because of the AlDS.
l didn't want people to remember her like that...
because l didn't want people to see her like that.
l wanted them to remember her as beautiful...
because that's what she really was.
Life and death...
energy and peace.
lf l stop today, it was still worth it.
Even the terrible mistakes that l have made...
and would have unmade if l could.
The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul.
lt was worth it...
for having been allowed to walk where l've walked...
which was to hell on Earth...
heaven on Earth...
back again, into, under...
far in between, through it...
in it and above.